Saturday, September 19, 2009

The Quest for the Perfect mp3 Player

After 22 years of indigence, I am finally beginning to make my fortune. For several summers prior, I enjoyed gainful employment, but the money I earned was instantly claimed by tuition bills. Given that the government likes to fund PhDs in the sciences and that I am mooching off my parents for shelter and food, I have little incentive toward frugality. I suppose I do need to buy a car, since my father informs me that this aspect of my mooching must end soon. So, I am going to splurge and buy myself a brand new 120 GB Zune.

All the ignoramuses in readerland are undoubtedly asking why I would even consider purchasing a Zune when I could get a rockin' iPod touch. The Zune has several advantages so significant that they make me question why Apple has sold a single device. Most importantly, Microsoft offers a nifty service called ZunePass that allows unlimited music downloads to the device for a monthly fee of $15, the cost of 1.5 iTunes albums. Apple baffles me in coaxing consumers to continue paying for music on a song by song basis. The Zune's hard drive is also twice the size of that of the largest Touch.

Many people consider a 120 GB hard drive excessive and these people do not understand that excess is my goal. I hope to store on this device a recording of every worthwhile piece of music ever recorded. I want to indulge in complete Zappa discographies and obscure compilations of George Jones B-sides. I want to be able to choose amongst 5 different interpretations of Beethoven's 7th Symphony. I want to cackle with glee when someone else is DJing from my Zune and asks "30,000 tracks and you couldn't find it in your heart to include even one by the Red Hot Chili Peppers?" Frankly, I'm concerned that 120 GB is not nearly enough space to indulge my musical gluttony.

1 comment:

  1. the Zune is far superior to anything iPod has put out. i love my 80gb iPod, but when we bought lise a 30gb Zune i got jealous. when the ipod bites the dust, i'll be joining your ranks.